The First Year of Mourning

March 25th, 2013

Every turn in this past year of mourning over the loss of my husband has been riddled with emotions. With each emotion I have been led down a different path of healing.

The emotion of guilt came up for me as I moved into a completely new life. I had to question whether I was I doing the right thing for me, because for years it was all about us- our goals, our dreams and our desires. Now I must let go of the “us” part and acknowledge the “me” part and let go of the guilt.

It is now time to put the past behind me and celebrate the successes and accomplishments I have achieved over this year. In the beginning, I
• remembered to breathe
• got out of bed everyday
• showered and brushed my teeth
• got dressed
• went for a walk or exercised

Then, as time went on, I
• went back to work at my studio
• connected with friends and made new friends
• cleared the clutter out of my home
• made my home my solid foundation
• attended a workshop
• nurtured myself (massage, facial, pedicure)
• connected with my up line and asked for help
• meditated and never let go of my spirituality

It was these small steps, one at a time, that got me through this year

This is now my journey, a new life into which I am walking forward with confidence, holding true to my own heart.

My First Year of Life Alone

March 25th, 2013

As I reflect over this past year on my experience creating a new life alone, I realize it was riddled with extreme highs and lows of emotion. Some were so intense that they shook me to my very core and others reminded me of how wonderful life can be.

At first, while just remembering to breathe, I would pace up and down, sighing and thinking “Wow! How could this happen? My heart hurts so much I can’t stand it.” Getting out of bed and showering, brushing my teeth and combing my hair were huge steps. It was as if I had a body but no spirit to guide it. I am grateful that my spiritual beliefs saved me, as I truly do believe we all choose when we are going to exit this world.

Exercise plays a very important role in my healing now. I find I need the intensity to relieve the stress in my body. I knew my body needed to move, so I kept up with my routine (and yes I had to push very hard to get out the door some days). I chose to go back to my studio and start working with clients. This gave me structure and balance, knowing I would have to focus and deal with my own emotions in order to assist others.

Sometimes I would find that what a client was dealing with was something I had just gone through, so my own experience of pain was able to help someone else. After all, life is about helping each other.

Then I had to reconsider the social aspects of my life. I was coming from a place of being part of a couple doing things together, to living life as a single person. At first it was overwhelming, especially when someone didn’t know my partner had died. They would ask where he was or how he was. I would get a blank look on my face, my eyes would well up with tears and I would cry and remain upset for the remainder of the day. I am more comfortable now as time has passed. This is where it has been important to stay in touch with my friends and to expand and make new friends.

I needed to talk with someone who could be objective about my life who would help me see it in a different perspective. I didn’t always like it, but I know it was part of my journey. I had to get away from “poor-me-the-victim,” feeling lost, anxious, filled with self doubt, frustration and anger.

Anger has been the big one, I didn’t realize until now how angry I was that he died, how I took that anger out on some people without even realizing it. Since I understood what I was doing, I have experienced a peaceful calm in my soul. It was so important to give myself permission to feel those negative feelings.

I have now done all my firsts, and for me it has been important to acknowledge, so that I can move forward. Of course, I still have feelings and emotions to deal with- a person can’t live with someone for more than half a life and not have them. But this is the beginning of my journey to a new life into which I am walking forward with confidence, holding true to my own heart.
Bon voyage!

Living in the Now

November 8th, 2011

In this moment, right now, where are your thoughts?

Are they in yesterday rehashing what could have been? Or are they in tomorrow, fearful of how things will be?

This can be a very uncomfortable place for us. It leaves us unbalanced, unfocused and unaware of what is going on around us in this very moment.

When we are “functioning” in an unbalanced state, we can blame and fault other people for what is not working in our lives. Of course. that kind of thinking only keeps us more off balance.
We become unaware of how beautiful life can be when we are balanced and focused in the now.

In order to make this change, we need to make the change within ourselves first, to change what isn’t working. For me, change was not easy. Change is difficult. It takes continuous commitment to keep going. But life will continue, so why not be the change that you want to be and take a chance on you?

One method to begin this change that will help you stay balanced in your today is “Forgiveness.”

Start by asking God/Divine/Universe (whichever is your preference) to help you forgive yourself. You are not asking the Universe to forgive you. You want the will to forgive yourself for your yesterdays. Those days are done-who you were then is not who you are now.

With this simple step of asking, you have begun your journey to your own magnificence and the process towards Self Love.

Affirmation: “I am kind, gentle and patient with myself.”

Never, never give up or lose faith in yourself

July 11th, 2011

Never, never give up or lose faith in yourself. That’s not what life is about. Even if you have done a lot of work on healing the past and feel as if all your baggage is behind you. And suddenly, something can trigger you, and BAM!

The Fork in the Road

The Fork in the Road


You spiral into a dark place, wondering what the heck just happened? This is a place you may have not visited for a long time. It is at this point in your journey that you have a choice. What path will you take? Before you is a fork in the road- one path spiraling downwards and the other leading forward into the future.

In this lifetime, one of the lessons I came to learn was the lesson of love; how to unconditionally love myself. In order to learn love, there have been many lessons on my path. Some of those lessons took me to some very unpleasant places and at that time, I didn’t understand what was happening. I didn’t know I had a choice each time I came to that fork in the road.

If we keep choosing the path that teaches us how to love and honor ourselves, the universe will keep giving us the lessons until we get IT. Once we get IT, it is as if a door opens and life becomes lighter and brighter. Isn’t life always about growing and evolving, becoming the best we can be for us, loving ourselves for who we are right now, in this moment?

For me, once I got the idea of the lesson “To Love Myself,” it was as if the universe began to open doors and life did become lighter. Each time I chose the path to keep moving forward I was giving my unconscious mind directions to where I wanted to go next. When we become clear on a decision for ourselves, the universe then conspires to work towards that goal.

So at times, when you become aware that you are standing at that fork in the road, stop. Breathe. And raise your vibration connecting with universal love and energy. Choose to love and approve of yourself, of the person who you are right now, in this moment.

It is about the beauty of the journey not the destination.

Affirmation
“I bring joy back to the center of my heart. I claim my right to passion”

A messy house could be a reflection of what’s going on inside you

May 15th, 2011

“Oh my gosh! What mess I’m looking at! Everything around me is in disarray. There are piles of paper and magazines, clothes and unopened mail. I can’t get started to organize it because it’s totally overwhelming.”

All too often when we have this kind of disorganization going on around us, it’s actually how we are feeling about ourselves on the inside. You may be feeling anxious, tired, depressed or unlovable. Your outside environment is a direct reflection of how you are feeling on the inside. It is actually our emotional baggage that is stopping us from clearing up our personal space.

When we are ready to be honest with ourselves to take a real look at what’s going on, then things can begin to change. We can put it out to the universe to help us; that help can come in many ways, and not always in the way we think it should come.

For instance, do you think you drink too much? Does it bother you when you think that? This is an example of being honest and looking at what could change by stopping and changing that behaviour. Are you a smoker? Does food addiction stand in your way? All these and more can stop us from feeling peaceful and at one with ourselves.

So let’s change. I was able to change my life and my addiction to food, by one small commitment at a time. That is how it starts. As we make a commitment, the universe then conspires to work with us.

Make a goal to commit for one month. That is all. Then break that month down into days and within each day do one small something for yourself that makes you feel good about moving out of your comfort zone.

Maybe call an old friend you haven’t spoken to for months, or go for a five minute walk. Perhaps clean one drawer in your dresser or one corner of a room in your house. Break the large, overwhelming tasks down to the smallest denominator where you will succeed. It may be uncomfortable at first, but remember if you keep doing things the same old way you will always keep getting the same old results.

Within a month see if you don’t notice a lighter feeling within yourself and a different perspective in your personal space

Fear of Flying

May 30th, 2010

Fear of flying is very real. The anxiety and panic over this fear creates all sorts of personal havoc, such as feeling loss of control, claustrophobia and loss of sleep. It can even bring them to the point of canceling a trip at the last moment.

Fear of Flying

Fear of Flying

Sometimes it can be due to a certain circumstance that actually occurred, or it could be from watching something in the media, or even something they overheard. A person takes in the information and begins to create a belief around it. Every time it comes to mind, they create a response in the body and then expect this sensation and thought every time, which creates a vicious circle.

This is where I come in. I can help you take that anxiety and fear away and eliminate it so you can take that business trip or that vacation that you have always wanted to.

One of the techniques useful in eliminating fear is called E.F.T. (Emotional Freedom Technique). I have the person acknowledge the fear and where it is held in the body and using a tapping sequence on the body’s different meridians in order to create a calming around the stress about the fear.

We then do that until the body feels no stress about the flying. This really does work. When it comes time for the actual event there is a different attitude and response within the body about flying.

One of my clients had to fly frequently and was chronically terrified. To her, every time she got on the plane, she was convinced she was flying to a violent death. After a session with E.F.T., she was able to take the Helijet from Victoria to Seattle’s King County Airport and actually told me she thought it was fun.

So it really doesn’t matter that she had the fear, but that she acknowledged it and did something about it. And it can be the same for you.

Mirror Image

March 26th, 2010

Take a deep breath, close your eyes and picture yourself standing in front of a mirror. What are your first thoughts?

“Ugh! I can’t stand to look at myself; I don’t like anything about what I see.”

Now imagine it’s a full length mirror. Notice how you scan your body, how you twist and turn and look at yourself. You may grab an extra roll, saying to yourself, “I’m so fat and disgusting.”

Do we ever like what we see?

Do we ever like what we see?


You may have cellulite, it could be that your hips are large or the size of your breast are big or small or you might say, “I’m too skinny! Look at this ugly bag of bones!”

It really doesn’t matter what side of the fence you are on. It’s all about the body image and the self. Every single time you do this to yourself you are emotionally beating yourself up.

You are creating a deep road bed for your subconscious mind to easily follow, like a river following a path made for it over eons of time. Remember that what we think, we actually create. The subconscious mind will create what we think about most of the time.

For a moment, I would like you to think about lovingly holding a small baby in your arms. What would you say to that sweet baby? Perhaps something like, “Oh you’re so pretty and wonderful!” How gentle and caring you would be, speaking softly and tenderly, making the baby feel safe within your arms.

Don’t you think that is also what you need emotionally? Here, now is the time to begin that change, to stop the self-abuse, to change the road map of the subconscious mind.

It begins with being as gentle on yourself as you would be with that baby in your arms. So, the next time you look in the mirror or even see your reflection in a window, stop and think about what you are saying to yourself.

A technique you may find helpful in changing your thoughts is to look into your reflected eyes and say the words: “I love you!”

Do this each and every time you see a reflection of yourself as you create loving and caring thoughts about yourself and your body.

Who I was then is not who I am now

December 8th, 2009

Who I was then is not who I am now. Then, I was caught up in the cycle of an eating disorder, not trusting my relationship with food and my body.  I was fearful of my feelings and emotions.

I was terrified of experiencing my feelings because of the emotions attached to them. I was living in a state of anxiety, afraid of allowing those feelings to express who I was.  I always saw myself with a neon sign flashing on and off above my head screaming “Bulimic! Bulimic! Bulimic!” I thought everyone around me could see it.

I set up a parameter of rules that had to fit within those beliefs in order to keep that neon sign flashing and keep me in fear and anxiety.

Within all of our lives we have something we would like to change. Where in your life today do you have that flashing neon sign? What rules have you put in place that you stuck…knowing you want to change, but fearing the change?

I am no longer a “recovering bulimic,” but a being who stands in my own light, carrying my own beliefs, experiencing my life fully, within the personality called Barbara. I choose now to acknowledge my feelings and emotions as they are, no longer simply reacting to life but going with and trusting in the flow of my life.

The following mantra of Love and Gratitude brings about a peaceful feeling of  “going with the flow” of your life and your time.

Sit comfortably, close your eyes and for a while, focus on your breath. In and out. In the quietness of your mind, repeat the following, allowing universal love and gratitude to flow through you.

With love and gratitude (your name) Thank you.

With love and gratitude (your name) I Respect you.

With love and gratitude (your name) I Love You.

As you practice this mantra remember that change takes time and patience. Trust in the process and let go with love and gratitude.

Becoming Grounded in your Body

October 22nd, 2009

When we are unaware of our own personal boundaries, we go about life at times in a fog.

Have you ever experienced walking into a room full of people and all of a sudden you don’t feel well or you all of a sudden feel full of anxiety. When we are not present in our bodies we are ungrounded and this in itself can cause all sorts of havoc within us.  There may be times when you are talking to someone and you become so concerned with giving them the right answer or wonder what they are thinking about you that you miss the whole conversation this is another example of being ungrounded. This also causes much stress in the body.

Because energy follows thought you can use the “4 Breath Technique” to immediately reduce your stress up to half and become grounded in the body, thereby creating personal boundaries within yourself with clarity and focus.

Here we go:

You will be taking in four deep breaths and on the fourth breath you will use your mind to become aware of the bottom of your feet(when we can feel our feet we are in our body)

Step one:Take in a slow deep comfortable breath in through the nose and follow that breath right down through the body and exhale very slowly

Step two:Take in a slow deep comfortable breath in through the nose and as you are following that breath down through the body simply allow your shoulders to drop

Step three:Take in a slow deep comfortable breath in through the nose and as you are following that breath simply allow the body to unwind

Step four:As you inhale once again in through the nose, use your mind to become aware of, or imagine, the bottom of your feet.

As you become aware of your feet you are very present in your body.

The more you use this technique the more grounded you become.